mirrors.

it's a hazy day.
i'm 4 years old,
sister by my side.
we make silly faces and laugh in the mirror,
our small fingers smudge the glass,
dirty from trying to reach china in the backyard,
or that treasure buried in between.
i fall on the floor,
dizzy with a head full of dreams.

it's a busy day.
i'm 9 years old,
it's the first day of school in a new town,
i pass the bathroom mirror on my way out the door.
it's freshly cleaned and i see a small me.
i'm wearing new clothes and i'm nervous,
but excited.
i walk with my sister to the bus stop.

it's a cold winter day.
i'm 14 years old.
i see my reflection.
i wish i was older.
and taller.
i don't like my freckles.
or my haircut.
and i'm sick of my old shoes.
i start to think that maybe the kids at school are right,
that i don't have any friends for a reason.
but i forget about it and start on my homework,
bored and ready for summer to come once again.

it's been a long day.
i'm 17 years old.
the mirror in my basement shows me a stranger.
he looks pathetic.
and empty.
i'm afraid to look into his hallowed eyes,
instead i watch his cracked lips as they form the words
"i hate you" over and over.
i look away and pass out on the bed.

it's today.
i'm 18 years old.
i can finally breathe in deep.
the air smells like my past.
i feel like my bones have finally settled in the right places.
i finish getting dressed and i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
i see my shoulders and the weight they carry.
i see my hands,
rough and callused,
but they don't hide in my pockets anymore.
i see my face,
and the creases that meet my eyes.
i see me.
but i still dream of a day that i don't see my inner faults.