today a sun beam placed gently on my eyelids woke me from a deep sleep.
the deepest kind of sleep.
the kind you find comfort in
when the world has nothing but lemons to give.
i believe my heart has begun to sour.
i suspect its rotten to the core.
the decomposed matter lays heavily in my rip cage.
because lately i cant seem to find my grip on something sweet.
ive been fooled by apples and pears.
they tempt me looking delicious as they do.
so i open myself.
letting my fingers slide over the smooth skin.
and it feels so lovely in this moment.
like perhaps this time i found something good.
so i raise my hand and bite down.
and i feel the slick lemony juice begin to slide down my throat, choking me.
ive been tricked once again.
ive become accustom to the salty taste of these tears.
all thats left is sour and salt.
maybe the issue is at my center.
maybe im no better than the worlds lemons.
maybe im no better than the worlds lemons.
maybe if i bit down on my arm i would find the answer.
maybe i would gag from the bitter flavor seeping from my own skin.
or maybe
just maybe id find something else.
because i feel like just underneath this skin there might be something exquisite.
something i could count on.
something that could end my day dreaming about dreaming.
something like lemonade...
if only it was that easy.
but one day i feel,
i wont wake from this deception
no matter the amount of sunlight thrown in my direction.
but ill keep trying.
ill slip my hands into my pockets when i walk through orchards.
ill avert my line of sight
and watch my feet fall one after the other.
and i suppose ill keep depending on dreams.
its whats kept me here so far.
