Saturday, June 2, 2018
sour and salt.
today a sun beam placed gently on my eyelids woke me from a deep sleep.
the deepest kind of sleep.
the kind you find comfort in
when the world has nothing but lemons to give.
i believe my heart has begun to sour.
i suspect its rotten to the core.
the decomposed matter lays heavily in my rip cage.
because lately i cant seem to find my grip on something sweet.
ive been fooled by apples and pears.
they tempt me looking delicious as they do.
so i open myself.
letting my fingers slide over the smooth skin.
and it feels so lovely in this moment.
like perhaps this time i found something good.
so i raise my hand and bite down.
and i feel the slick lemony juice begin to slide down my throat, choking me.
ive been tricked once again.
ive become accustom to the salty taste of these tears.
all thats left is sour and salt.
maybe the issue is at my center.
maybe im no better than the worlds lemons.
maybe im no better than the worlds lemons.
maybe if i bit down on my arm i would find the answer.
maybe i would gag from the bitter flavor seeping from my own skin.
or maybe
just maybe id find something else.
because i feel like just underneath this skin there might be something exquisite.
something i could count on.
something that could end my day dreaming about dreaming.
something like lemonade...
if only it was that easy.
but one day i feel,
i wont wake from this deception
no matter the amount of sunlight thrown in my direction.
but ill keep trying.
ill slip my hands into my pockets when i walk through orchards.
ill avert my line of sight
and watch my feet fall one after the other.
and i suppose ill keep depending on dreams.
its whats kept me here so far.
Monday, November 13, 2017
disoriented
he is
he studies his face and the mountains that rise from it.
every tavern and every vein.
yet he periodically finds himself looking in the mirror
questioning the reflection that falls on his retina.
Monday, October 23, 2017
love me less love me longer
their veins crawl across the skin like lightning
their fingertips are matches,
igniting a fire the moment they strike skin
a fire that spreads through the body till it hits your skull and fills your toes.
eyes like a gaping canvas.
a heart thumping like a drum.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
im sorry
you're all disappointed in me.
i get it.
i would have been too.
i just can't change who i am
i just can't kick up these roots.
they're too deep.
i took my mask off and you weren't pleased in the least bit by what you saw.
the moon didn't even smile at me last night.
you all thought i was different.
you were wrong.
you all thought i was different.
you were wrong.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
my truth
what is my truth?
the truth is i don't know what the hell i'm doing.
you wander and wander and at some point you realize you're lost.
completely alone.
alone in this fragile landscape made of glass.
alone in this fragile landscape made of glass.
my heart is a brick.
floating in my chest.
just waiting to fall into my rib bones.
i pray that it gets better.
but it won't.
if i tied this brick to my ankles, do you think i'd float?
truth is that my mind is made of spaghetti.
truth is that my mind is made of spaghetti.
tangles and strings.
knots tied around my eyes like a blind fold.
i can't see the world smear as i fall.
i can't see the world smear as i fall.
i inhale glaciers and exhale shadows.
every breath is heavy.
and hot.
like i'm a house on fire.
burn me down to the ground.
and kick through the ashes.
truth is i spend my days in this room.
day after day.
after day.
miles and miles of days.
till the day that it all stops.
everything stops.
burn me down to the ground.
and kick through the ashes.
truth is i spend my days in this room.
day after day.
after day.
miles and miles of days.
till the day that it all stops.
everything stops.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
this room
nothing but the bliss of nothingness.
i am falling in this room.
these plants of mine sit in the grey window sill.
theres not enough sunlight to feed them and theyre starting to lose faith that spring will ever come.
i too lost my hope.
the soles of my feet lost their rhythm.
fingers tap my skull.
knock knock.
whos there?
its everyone that ive lost.
everyone that ill never meet.
secrets fill my mouth.
and music fills my ears.
but not my soul.
ive come this far just to sit in this room and be tortured.
tortured by the past.
the past.
Monday, December 12, 2016
here in college
it's as if nobody knew i was a loser in highschool and everyone wants to be friends.
they're more shallow than the kitty pool and
i dont think they've ever gone skin deep.
personalities made of expectations and empty fridays.
lost in snapchat filters and instagram captions.
clawing away at their hearts.
trying to feel something.
this is for all of you.
just be yourself for only yourself.
dont try to change who you are.
instead.
fall in love with yourself.
fall in love with your uniqueness.
fall in love with your scars and the way they fill your empty spaces.
fall in love with your past and every aspect of the present.
look side to side and up and down.
accept that your backwards and inside out.
disregard anyone that says you need to be something you're not,
because there is infinite beauty in who you really are.
and once you do this,
the people that truly matter will come into your life.
and you can laugh at the absurdity of it all.
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